[SkateDC] Snowpocalypse Now! [Off Topic]

[Jubran Selim]

I think it is important to note, and this is a little documented fact, that under no circumstances during a snow emergency are you allowed to consume the milk, bread, eggs and toilet paper which you purchased the day before the horrific forecast, which was only three days ago.  You must go back to the store and purchase more of everything you bought just those three days ago.

Researchers are still trying to determine the exact need for this.  Some have postulated that consumers fear that their household population might increase during the time of the snow emergency.  Others believe that it is merely a primeval reaction, genetically built into us from the days when a harsh winter out in the wilderness could mean certain death.  If only we could get our genes to realize that we now live in an age of a 7 eleven or a CVS around every corner and that we have developed the technology to clear the streets within one or two days of the aforementioned snow emergency.

One other theory being contemplated is that many consumers worry that snowplow crews will break down in front of their homes and they want to have enough supplies to make French Toast for them.

Right now Home Depot is probably out of snow blowers too.........


  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: George Marinkovich 
  To: WAR Skate List 
  Sent: Friday, February 05, 2010 3:45 PM
  Subject: [SkateDC] Snowpocalypse Now! [Off Topic]


  coming soon to a major metropolitan area near you... 20 to 30 inches of wet heavy snow possible.

  I hope everyone has had the opportunity before the snow hits to obtain the three absolute essentials, without which human life as we know it is unsustainable:

  1. milk
  2. bread
  3. toilet paper *

  Why are these the three essentials? In addition to providing nourishment and comfort, in an emergency they can all be combined to make a fully functional cast. If you add eggs to the mix it will set up even quicker. Indeed, some people believe eggs should be added as the fourth essential for this very reason, but I would only go this far if you know from experience that your bones break easily.

  Just think, if the Donner party had simply had any two of these three essentials, well, we wouldn't even know who they were today. Even if the Donner party had only one of the essentials it would have been a different story than the one we know today. In fact, if they had only the last essential, while the story would have probably turned out more or less the same, I'll bet it would be told in a very different way. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donner_Party


  I happened to be at Costco this afternoon and found the following conditions: out of milk (Big deal you say. Maybe, but under normal demand conditions Costco stocks enough milk to sell a gallon to every third person who lives in Gaithersburg), dangerously low on toilet paper (but still a few 48-roll packs remaining so they hadn't resorted to rationing yet), and while bread was in short supply it was still available.

  Speaking of the Donner party, if you become snowbound this weekend you might want to keep a wary eye on your companions. Sure, they may not be hungry now, but remember, it's going to be a long weekend. Sleep lightly.

  * http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/12/05/AR2005120502269.html disputes whether toilet paper is actually one of the three essentials, but as someone pointed out: "anyone who eats that much bread and milk probably needs all that toilet paper."

  At times like these it can be a comfort to remember: It's never too late to panic!

  Best wishes,
  George



        
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